ULA

must. leave. NOW.

I don’t require much, but having a nice quiet place to relax and recover from the day is kind of crucial. This has been becoming more and more difficult with the hot weather; my room is constantly subjected to the loud drone of the air compressors outside. It’s fucking driving me insane. I can ignore noisy people to some extent, but when I have to deal with extended mechanical noise I lose my shit. Plus, it’s preventing me from opening my window at night to enjoy the cool night air, which is also a thing for me. UGGGHHHH just 3 more weeks of this, but still 3 weeks where I will have a difficult time relaxing :(

happy happy happy

I love rocknasium. Seriously, i feel so at home and supported there. There’s truly a community. I took a nice lead fall today and everyone clapped! I feel so energized by all the interactions and climbing that went on tonight. I am so fortunate to have a place like it, where I can go and forget about everything and just climb and have a good time. I love climbing so much; it’s done a lot for my mental health, and has taught me valuable life lessons. and I’m learning more from it every day. 

5/8

My birthday’s in a week. gonna have a pool party the friday after, yayayayya

Things are going well. I’m feeling relaxed and present. I actually feel good about the physics quiz I took today, and I got the most exciting CSA box yet. There’s artichokes! Now I just need to learn how to cook them..

I’m gonna embark on an exciting soils field course this summer; I’ll be out of town for two weeks studying different California soils! I was hesitant about signing up for it, but I think now that since it’s only offered in the summer and I don’t know what I’ll be up to next summer that I might as well. Which means that while I’ll be home briefly in June, I won’t actually spend time in Rivs until August. Actually, I might come here towards the end of July, depending on whether or not I wanna stay for the color run in Sac that I’m registered for.. hhmmmm..

anxiety attack

not really. but I had a sip of my friends coffee today, forgetting about how high caffeine beverages increase my anxiety. My freakout consisted mostly about this summer. I really wanna come down to Riverside for about a month and half, my plan being that Ima take a class at RCC and climb at Tramway. Then, I started freaking out because I was all like “well what if no one wants to climb with me? What if I’m stuck going to community college and being otherwise miserable?”

Then it kind of became a more generalized freak out about my fear of rejection and persistent anxiety about everything. Pretty awesome, right?

It’s kinda gnarly

how much our day to day activities wreck havoc on our health. I just read an article that described causal links between sitting for several hours daily and increased chance of death. 

But most of us do just that. I sit in chairs at school, and then come home and sit at my desk some more. Many jobs require sitting. And it’s horrible because that’s not what we were built to do at all.

The other day, I read another article about how one of the most ancient (and still used) ways of hunting involves chasing a grazing animal until it dies. That’s right, humans are so well equipped to run continuously for long distances that they can run an antelope, an animal that needs to stop to pant, until it collapses and dies. Brains aren’t our only strength.

And of course there are many aspects of our consumer capitalist society to blame for this change of lifestyle. Though I hope I live to see a restructuring of current economic and societal norms, in the mean time I’ll just keep climbing, running, and doing my homework lying down (they didn’t say that was bad, right?).

back to the doctor’s office

to get a second look at this swollen left tonsil/tight throat feeling. it’s been an effin month, and google searches are starting to scare me. let’s hope this is really just an anxiety thing that will pass soon…

On a more positive note, i’ve been really more conscious of my anxiety recently. it’s this thing where i’m worrying about all the different ways I could be unknowingly causing harm to myself, all the time. being conscious that I have this problem has allowed me to try to correct the patterns of thought that cause this anxiety. I’ve generally been having a more positive week, feeling present, calm and happy. 

also, I’m fucking stoked on the nut tree boulders right now. went climbing with my boss and his buddy yesterday, and projected a couple V4ish climbs. idk why they’re looked down on… Fun, strong, usually short climbs with an array of nice chunky basalt jugs, pinches, crimps, and great feet. and it’s 20 min from Davis. i wanna go back right meowww